Finks and Funerals
by Miss.Wendalyn
Summary: In which Valkyrie gets bored at a funeral and gains a friend. *One-shot**Completed*


_Hey broskis, I know I should update my other fics but I got distracted._

_Just a short little one-shot but if you like it and tell me I may write more featuring my OCs._

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**Finks and Funerals**

Valkyrie had only one other funeral to compare her current situations to, and Gordon's funeral was certainly nowhere near as depressing as the memorial service of Edwin Woodwose. She and Skulduggery observed the soggy visitors battle against the wind or the custody of their umbrellas and rather stupid looking hats. You know those little black clip-on ones with the netting? Seemingly unaffected by the torrential storm due to the slight manipulation of the elements both the Skeleton Detective and his partner leaned against the tree, rather Valkyrie did, Skulduggery on the other hand stood straight eye sockets fixed on the struggling party.

Val had long since lost interest in struggling to make out the words the reverend preached that were stolen by the wind and drowned out by the torrential downpour, and began to wonder why she'd offered to come in the first place. She didn't know Edwin Woodwose, doesn't that make her slightly unwelcome when wishing him well in whatever comes next? Of course Skulduggery knew him, and being the greatest friend in the world had offered to accompany him as he seemed slightly distressed upon receiving the news.

"Can we go yet?" Valkyrie awoke from her daydream of anywhere but the graveyard and turned towards the source of the clear voice. It was a girl. Sitting on what seemed to be a bin liner was a girl, likely no older than she was. Her blonde hair hung, slightly damp, on the suit jacket slung over her shoulders offering her more protection than the black dress underneath. The red haired man sheltering them both under a sizeable umbrella shot the girl a look. Valkyrie assumed the jacket was his due to his grey trousers and matching waistcoat.

"No, it'd be rude."The man replied curtly.

"I doubt they even know we're here, no one would notice if we high-tailed it out of here and got a pint." The girl paused, "I mean _you _get a pint and I have a coke. Come on, no one will notice!" The two seemed to be English judging by their accents quite similar to that of Tanith's, perhaps from the London area...

'_I will'_ Valkyrie thought to herself but considering she had nothing to do with the now dubbed 'Blondie' and 'Auburn' so it would be in her best interests to stay out of their quarrel. Of course she was a detective and it's the only natural for a detective to pry into matters that seem of a curious ilk and the case of the Quarrelling Couple was quite compelling indeed.

"It's still a no. I've given up my time to do things you've wanted to do far more times than you have for me, so for just this once can you not kick up a fuss?"

Blondie glared up at Auburn, "What do you mean '_kick up a fuss_'? I've never kicked up a fuss in my life!" At this Auburn let out a snigger much to Blondie's displeasure.

"What about that time when we saw The Hobbit?"

"I had reason to be angry, because of that monster I missed most of the bits with Gollum in!"

Auburn raised a brow "You stole a box of popcorn from a little girl and poured it down her shirt along with a milkshake."

'_Note to self – Blondie is a very angry person, don't aggravate her in cinemas.'_

"She was not little, she was at least fourteen."

"How could you tell?"

"She had her boyfriend with her and a packet of cigarettes." Blondie shrugged, "At least fourteen, I mean that's when everyone becomes a deviant. I'm surprised Priscilla hasn't turned yet, it's pretty suspicious."

"Are you implying my little sister is smoking drugs and prostituting herself?"

"Cool your jets, tiger." Blondie grinned "I'm just messin' with you." Auburn seemed to be sulking at the previous statement; he probably thought it was an insult regarding his hair colour.

"Come on, let's get out of here, the service is over." Auburn muttered turning his back away from the now departing party of mourners.

"Coolio," Blondie beamed, "So who was this Edwin guy anyway?"

"He was my mechanic."

At this Auburn sauntered towards the exit, Blondie followed hastily likely to regain space under the umbrella, leaving her bin liner which proceeded to float away on the gusts of wind.

Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery who still stared at the now empty gravesite, and placed a hand on his skeletal arm. "It's a shame about Edwin; no one could fix up the Bentley like he could." Valkyrie knew that if Skulduggery's facade was active there'd be a look of surprise or at least mild confusion etched upon his features.

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Before returning home Skulduggery and Valkyrie (mostly Valkyrie) had decided to give the reception a brief visit to express their sympathies to the newly widowed Mrs. Woodwose and pick up a free lunch (In her defence she hadn't eaten all day).

The Bentley glided to a halt in the _Swan Inn_ car park but before Valkyrie could exit the car the velvet voice of her partner posed a question.

"How did you know Edwin was my mechanic? I purposely denied you the information to see how long it would take you to give in and ask."

"Well you see Mr Pleasant, it seems you've underestimated my deductive skill."

"Of course," Skulduggery activated his facade, a young-ish face with wavy brown hair and green eyes, smiled dryly at her, "You heard someone say so, didn't you?"

Valkyrie gasped theatrically, "How dare you doubt me so, you've wounded me." The two laughed and headed into the pub. "Anyway it's not cheating, listening."

"Whatever you say."

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Having a plate piled high with various buffet snacks made manoeuvring the crowded pub a challenge even for the most seasoned of warriors. Once Valkyrie finally found a table in which to dump the array of mini-pizzas and sausage rolls, she began eating immediately in somewhat undignified manner. '_Luckily there's no one other than a whole bunch of drunks to humiliate myself in front of'._

A few moments of the buffet massacre had passed before Valkyrie felt a figure sit beside her and it wasn't Skulduggery as he'd actually went to talk to Widow Woodwose. Valkyrie looked up from her plate to see a familiar and slightly dryer face. It was Blondie.

"Mind if I sit here?" She asked, balancing an impressive stack of sweet and savoury goods on frail paper plates.

"No problem."

"Thanks" She placed the plate unceremoniously onto the table losing a jam tat or two, Blondie swore quietly under her breath, before returning her gaze to Valkyrie. "Help yourself to anything you like, except the fondant fancies."

This Blondie was far more civil than the one she met... rather overheard, earlier that afternoon. She and Auburn probably brought out the worse in each other. Then again she had Ghastly's clothes to keep her warm while Blondie suffered through the storm in a dress, that'd be enough to turn any mood.

Blondie stuck out her left hand and Valkyrie shook it awkwardly. "I'm Grim"

"Valkyrie"

"Val-Ky-Rie" Blon- Grim sounded each syllable slowly, "from Old Norse valkyrja '_chooser of the slain', _of course it could be meant in other contexts such as Richard Wagner's work" She shrugged "I guess the context you meant when you chose it is irrelevant now though...I chose Grim in an attempt to make myself seem unapproachable and aloof, but alas I'm none of those things, at least I don't think so."

Valkyrie paid no real mind to the tangent Grim had carried herself away on until the monologue was over. A certain phrase kept playing over,' _'when _you_ chose it'. How does she know?' _

"I assume you're a sor-"

"Sorcerer or Mage?" Grim nodded " Indeed I am, as you are too."

"How did you know?"

"According to Matt, Edwin had very few mortal acquaintances meaning those at his funeral would likely be magical, I remember seeing you by a tree there, also I'm pretty sure that under that scarf of your friend's wasn't exactly flesh. I'm not going to judge, I can't judge, my buddy was an absolute psycho until he got stabbed."

'_Auburn was a psycho? He really doesn't look the type._

Almost as if by magic said or thought person arrived at Grim's side.

"Come on Grimmy, Noire'll have our heads if we're late home."

'Grimmy' gave Valkyrie a little wave before falling into step beside Auburn.

"Hey Matt, we need to discuss a little thing called money management."

"Huh?"

"I swear to God! What idiot sends his car overseas to get it fixed?"

Once the duo left the pub Valkyrie heard shouts for another minute or so, followed by the purr of an engine.

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Night was falling when the Bentley stopped just sky of the Haggard Pier, Valkyrie left the car after saying their goodbyes and began to stroll towards her home until she hear a loud Clunk and wheezing coming from behind her.

Eddie would surely be missed.

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_Sorry it's wee bit bad, but please review!_


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